Saudi Affairs
When a Man Divorces a Woman
By Abeer Mishkhas, abeermishkhas@arabnews.com
Oct 23, 2003, 06:12

“It was in the papers, so there must be something to it,” I said to myself. It was a direct quote from a man who seems to know what he is talking about. He said that it was perfectly all right for a man to inform his wife that he was divorcing her by sending a text message to her mobile.

A few years ago someone else said that it was all right to inform a woman by e-mail that she was being divorced. In both these cases, the absence of an input from the wife constituted no point for argument.

It is obvious that the wife’s knowledge of her husband’s intentions was not required. It is quite clear that such decisions are the right and prerogative of the man alone and that he has every possible means, even electronic ones, of carrying out his decision.

To say the least, this strikes me as unjust. If we assume that marriage is a contract between two people and that it was signed by both parties, shouldn’t divorce also have to be signed and agreed to by both parties? In the Qur’an it states that if either party wants a divorce, the families of both should intervene and attempt to forestall it.

If the family fails to prevent the divorce, then it becomes a reality. How much of that is followed here when a man divorces a woman? It has become far too easy for a man to divorce his wife for the slightest whim.

The wife should be informed and if she does not agree, shouldn’t the husband reconsider his decision or at least discuss the matter with her? Why does society fail to take seriously the women’s right to decide on continuing a relationship?

If a woman here wants a divorce, most of the time she must beg for it. She is expected to accept the husband’s decision and work around it. Of course she is the one who is asked to wait, sacrifice and reconsider her demands.

In fact, both husband and wife should reconsider; after all a divorce is not desirable for anyone under normal circumstances.

There are, however, those cases where a woman simply cannot endure the situation any longer and the relationship has come to a dead-end.

Sometimes the husband agrees and they part in a civilized way; but there are other men who think that it is the right of the man to decide and so they refuse to divorce, or they procrastinate and use various ways to pressure the woman. They may make her life miserable by taking custody of the children or by remarrying and ignoring the right of the first wife to a life of her own.

In a recent TV program, it was suggested that women should themselves have the right to divorce, which is acceptable in Islam. Still, men do not like the idea of a woman having the right to choose for herself; it has always to be a man’s world.

What is interesting on the TV program was that a guest said that women might abuse this right. Indeed they might — but don’t men also abuse the right? What is the ideal solution? A novelist who was participating in the program said, “People must think of a marriage as a contract between two parties, and it should be ended by mutual consent.”

A good point but only for those who are willing to accept the fact that their wives should not always be on the receiving end, and that they should have the right to choose to live or not to live with their husbands.

© Copyright 2003 by ArtArabia.com