Saudi Affairs
My company produces electronic travel guides for various cities in the Kingdom and abroad. We recently hired an American lady to write the text that is incorporated within our product.
The text includes a short history of a particular city or country as well as what a visitor can do when he or she gets there, the landmarks, local customs and so on.
In the section dealing with precautions that all travelers should take, she included the following statement: “Always use latex condoms to reduce the risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases.” I later checked other tourist guides published in the West and found most of them to have a similar advice.
This statement is truly fascinating because it indicates an assumption by Westerners that anyone visiting a country will naturally have sex with one of its inhabitants or a fellow tourist.
Think about that for a moment.
This brings to mind the behavior of the more gregarious members of the animal kingdom. Surely, a people who are incapable of controlling their sexual appetites for even a short time such as a visit or holiday are not worthy of the high regard that some of us have for all Westerners.
Needless to say, we will not be putting this ridiculous statement in any of our products.
Anyway, this summer beware of being too friendly with any Western tourists.
Their pockets are full of condoms and they mean to use them!
While we are on the subject of summer, let us turn our attention to the poor lambs also known as the US Armed Forces in Iraq. They suffered terribly last year due to the intense heat of the Iraqi summer. This led to their uniforms chafing their legs and caused them great discomfort.
Their suffering was ameliorated, however, when a clever soldier put on women’s pantyhose. Suddenly, all over Iraq, American soldiers were buying any pantyhose they could lay their hands on.
The Iraqis observed this with bemusement and growing disdain.
Therefore, this year it would be wise for the Pentagon to issue women’s underwear, excuse me, I mean pantyhose to their suffering troops so that they will not have to buy them from Iraqis with the concomitant loss of respect they face.
It would also be wise to name them something more masculine like “defender leggings” or “freedom socks” or some such name.
There is a well-worn American belief that by giving things a different name you change their nature.
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